Mental checklist of things I hate

I hate how some people from my past make me feel the way they used to make me feel in the past. Even when I have made an effort to change

I hate how sometimes I can’t seem to understand God’s love for me. Yet it is the greatest love known to man.

I hate how people will tell me that I have lost weight. Yet when I look in the mirror, I feel like the fat girl all over again.

I hate how I want to experience the whole Cinderella story, prince charming and epic love story (the whole nine yards). But also don’t want to make myself vulnerable by falling in love. I am a walking contradiction sometimes.

I hate how the people we love the most, hurt us the most. Do I need to be void of emotion? Isn’t that makes me human?

I hate how sometimes I can’t seem to pray. Yet all I need to do is to close my eyes and talk to my friend about how I feel.

I hate how am supposed to be the bigger person when someone hurts my feelings. Can I not get mad at them for a while?

I hate how sometimes the guy I like, likes my friend  and the guy I have no interest in , likes me.  The irony

I hate how the ones we love leave before we can share some moments we would have liked to share. You didn’t see me graduate or get married.

I hate how I let my emotions get all over the place, and I write pieces like these.

I hate that I know am beautiful, it is written that am beautiful, everything says am beautiful but sometimes I don’t feel beautiful.

I hate how am supposed to be strong, but I don’t know how.

I hate how people will always judge me by my one mistake, yet I am not to be defined by my past mistakes.

I hate how naïve I was back then and let people into my life, only to have them break my heart. I wish I knew then what I know now.

I hate how I feel like am trying to get ahead in life, but its only my hands but not feet, in motion.

I hate how sometimes I wish I was numb.

Hugs and hearts

Esteri 🙂

 

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